Fragen Sie einen Mann: Wie kann ich meinen Freund romantischer machen?

mckenzie das ist mir irgendwie unfair. Es hört sich so an, als müssten ich und die Mädchen im Allgemeinen alle Anstrengungen unternehmen. Wir zeigen unserem Mann automatisch Liebe und Wertschätzung, ohne dass wir geschult oder „belohnt“ werden müssen, und um dennoch eine Gegenleistung zu erhalten, müssen wir erneut Wertschätzung zeigen. Hört sich ehrlich an, als würde die Frau die ganze Arbeit erledigen. und ehrlich gesagt möchte ich nicht mit jemandem zusammen sein, den ich baby und belohnen muss, um irgendeine Art von Liebe zu erhalten. Wenn ein Mann dich wirklich liebt, wird er dich lernen und was du magst und was nicht. vor allem, wenn Sie es aussprechen. sollte nicht 'Belohnungen' oder Training nehmen. das klingt nur wie ein Kind. Das ist ein schrecklicher Rat. Ich denke, sie macht es gut, ihm zu sagen, was sie mag. Das ist besser als das, was die meisten Frauen tun. 20. Oktober 2019, 3:11 Uhr Eric Charles Hier ist meine Haltung dazu ... Oft machen Frauen den Fehler, eine dynamische Beziehung mit einem Mann einzugehen wer sagt ausdrücklich, dass er keine Beziehung will oder mit wem das Interesse bestenfalls lauwarm ist. und die Frau hat diesen Kerl in ihren Gedanken aufgebaut und will ihn jetzt nicht verlieren, also schließt sie sich jeder Spur einer Beziehungsdynamik an, die er anbietet. und dann unternimmt er immer weniger Anstrengungen, weil sie sowieso nicht gehen wird. Frauen machen den Fehler, zu einer Beziehungsdynamik Ja zu sagen, wenn es tatsächlich 'Nein' ist, aber ich hoffe, ich kann das ändern! Das ist also grundlegend, bevor ich das nächste sage. Eine gute Regel ist, sich daran zu erinnern, dass Sie zu 100% ledig sind, bis Sie zu 100% in einer eindeutig festen Beziehung zu dem Mann stehen. Keine 'komplizierten' Beziehungen oder andere 'verschwommene Linien', die verschoben werden, als ob es einen Gradienten von Beziehungen gibt. Entweder ist es vollständig, klar und exklusiv oder Sie sind Single. Wenn Sie jedoch eine klar definierte, engagierte Beziehung zu einem Mann haben, ist es gut zu erwarten, dass Sie ihn wissen lassen müssen, was Sie wollen. Der einfachste und beste Weg, dies einem Mann mitzuteilen, ist das Format: Ich liebe es, wenn du x bist, dann fühle ich mich y. Dinge wie: Ich liebe es, wenn du eine Spinne für mich tötest, ich fühle mich so beschützt. Ich liebe es, wenn du mir einen guten Morgen schreibst. Ich fühle mich so geliebt. Ich liebe es, wenn du mir zuhörst. Ich fühle mich gehört und unterstützt. In Wirklichkeit wären Sie nicht so starr und roboterhaft, aber das ist die allgemeine Idee. Es vermittelt die Botschaft und zeigt dem Mann deutlich, welche Maßnahmen er ergreifen kann, damit Sie sich in der Beziehung zu ihm wohl fühlen. so etwas funktioniert sehr gut und baut die Beziehung auf. Auf der anderen Seite möchten Sie nicht versuchen, durch Bestrafung oder Negativität das zu erreichen, was Sie wollen. Sie und er sitzen zusammen im selben Boot. Das 'Boot' in diesem Fall ist Ihre Beziehung. Wenn Sie eine Menge Negativität auf ihn ausspucken, sein Verhalten nicht korrigieren oder ihn ändern, haben Sie das Boot nur mit den Samen der Negativität und des Grolls auf beiden Seiten gefüllt. kein guter Weg vorwärts. Ein häufiges Beispiel dafür ist, wenn eine Frau möchte, dass ein Mann mehr SMS schreibt. Wenn er dies nicht tut, geraten sie in einen Streit darüber, und das Gefühl der Negativität hängt mit dem Verhalten beim Schreiben von SMS zusammen. keine sehr kluge oder effektive Vorgehensweise. Im Fall von SMS (die als Analogie für viele Dinge in der Beziehung verwendet werden können) ist es am besten, den Mann wissen zu lassen, dass Sie kein Problem damit haben, dass er lange Zeit braucht oder gar nicht. Warum funktioniert das? Der Grund dafür ist, dass Sie jeglichen * Druck * oder * Negativität * aus dem Verhalten von SMS für ihn entfernen. Sie wissen also, wenn es eine schlechte Zeit für ihn ist, wird er keine SMS schreiben und sich nicht schuldig fühlen, aber wenn er frei ist Er weiß, dass er Ihnen eine SMS schreiben kann und es dort keine Ressentiments oder Folgen geben wird. viel bessere Situation, damit die Dinge in Ihrer Beziehung in eine positive Richtung wachsen. (das ist es, was wir wollen.) Ich denke, wenn ich Kommentare wie Ihre sehe, haben Sie den Eindruck, dass ich einer Frau empfehle, sich von einem Mann schlecht behandeln zu lassen, und das ist überhaupt nicht der Fall. Ich möchte Ihnen tatsächlich zeigen, wie Sie nicht nur die Kontrolle über Ihr Liebesleben haben, sondern dass Sie eine großartige Beziehung haben können, in der Sie beide glücklich sind. Meine Argumentation ist, dass wenn ich Ihnen zeige, wie die Dinge funktionieren und Ihnen die effektivsten Vorgehensweisen zeigen, Sie sie ausprobieren können. Wenn Sie das Gefühl haben, mit dem Kerl alles versucht zu haben und immer noch nicht das bekommen, was Sie wollen, haben Sie die Möglichkeit zu gehen. Ich verstehe, dass dies möglicherweise nicht das ist, was Sie wollen, und möglicherweise enttäuschend ist, aber es ist ratsam, sich daran zu erinnern, dass Sie diese Wahl haben. Sie müssen nicht an etwas teilnehmen, das Sie nicht möchten. Wenn du jedoch in der Beziehung bleiben willst, möchte ich dir alles geben, damit du das bestmögliche Liebesleben hast (eines, in dem du und dein Partner wirklich glücklich miteinander sind). Ich hoffe, das klärt, woher ich komme. Wenn Sie weitere Fragen haben oder meine Logik verstehen möchten, warum ich etwas empfehle oder vor etwas warne, lassen Sie es mich wissen. 20. Oktober 2019, 7:40 Uhr kusum Wenn er es immer ignoriert, sich mit mir zu treffen und zu sprechen und mich immer sagt ... müssen wir hier aufhören ... als was zu tun ist 3. Juli 2019, 4:53 Uhr acp Okay, ich und mein Freund sind seit fast 3 Jahren zusammen und ich verstehe meinen Freund einfach nicht. Ich spreche mit ihm und sage ihm, wie ich mich fühle und persönlich ist er so gemein und beschuldigt mich für all unsere Probleme, aber über den Text sage ich ihm meine Gefühle und was nicht und er sagt: 'Ich weiß, es ist alles meine Schuld.' 'Es tut mir leid' usw. Ich verstehe nur nicht, warum er über Text zustimmt, aber nicht persönlich. Er ist buchstäblich so gemein zu mir persönlich, wenn ich ihm meine Gefühle erzähle. Er gibt mir die Schuld. Der einzige Grund, warum ich Aufhebens mache, ist, dass er mir verspricht, dass er sich ändern wird und dass er besser und netter sein wird, aber er wird mir das nur am Telefon sagen. buchstäblich der einzige Grund, warum ich Aufhebens mache, ist, dass er niemals seine Versprechen hört / hält. das ist es. Bitte helfen Sie 29. April 2018, 12:28 Uhr Robin Blanchard Dies ist mein dritter Valentinstag mit ihm. Wir hatten zwei Jahrestage. An keinem dieser Tage wurde etwas Besonderes getan. Ich habe versucht, Pläne zu schmieden, aber es ist schwer, sie mit seinem offensichtlichen Desinteresse durchzuziehen. An diesem Valentinstag habe ich versucht, es wirklich vorzubringen, dass ich zum Abendessen ausgehen wollte, dass ich ihm einen Schwarzwaldkuchen backte und etwas von gleicher Anstrengung schätzen würde. hier habe ich heute den kuchen gemacht. und jetzt gerade mit dem Aufräumen aller Gerichte vom Backen des Kuchens fertig. und er hat nichts zu zeigen. An diesem Punkt fiel ich auf die Knie und weinte vor Glück über eine Karte aus Altpapier. Ich habe immer meine Hälfte der Mahlzeiten bezahlt, ihn mit Geburtstagsgeschenken Monate zu spät entlassen und fühle mich im Allgemeinen wie eine ziemlich minderwertige Freundin. Überreagiere ich? In meinem Kopf weiß ich, dass er mich liebt, aber ich kann den Nächten, in denen ich weine, nicht helfen, weil es sich so anfühlt, als ob er es nicht tut. 14. Februar 2017, 15:24 Uhr shefali Ich habe nie Probleme, romantische Typen zu finden. Ich war 18 Jahre lang mit einem romantischen Mann verheiratet. Ich bin derzeit mit einem romantischen Mann zusammen. Zum Beispiel, unser drittes Date, kochte er mir ein fabelhaftes Essen mit heißen und kalten Tapas, öffnete eine Flasche Champagner, gab mir eine Massage mit Duftkerzen, und dann setzten wir uns auf seine Veranda und hielten die Hände im Mondlicht und unterhielten uns Stundenlang, bevor ich nach Hause ging - er gab mir Schmetterlingsküsse, als ich ging. Mondstrahlen und Rosen und einfach wunderbar. und ich bin nicht schön - ich bin 50 Jahre alt und hatte eine Mastektomie. Ich bin übergewichtig und beiße mir auf die Nägel. Meine Kleidung ist regelmäßig mit Hunde- und Katzenhaaren bedeckt. Also ... bin ich etwas Besonderes in einer Weise, die du nicht bist? nein auf keinen Fall. Sie sind besonders, wunderbar, einzigartig. wir alle sind es. Ich habe jedoch eine Vorstellung davon, warum ich Romantik bekomme und Sie nicht ... Zunächst einmal gibt es einen Unterschied zwischen geringer Wartung im guten Sinne (geringes Drama und Einstellung) und im schlechten Sinne (die ganze Arbeit erledigen) die Beziehung zustande bringen). Hier liegt meines Erachtens das Problem: Sie behandeln den Mann wie ein verwöhntes, hilfloses Kind anstelle eines Mannes und eines gleichberechtigten Partners. Wenn ich einen Freund hätte, der mich so behandelt wie dein Typ, würde ich den Freund fallen lassen. nicht wahr? Ich meine, wenn ich meinen Freund immer anrufe, mich immer nach hinten beuge usw. und er oder sie sich nie erwidert, würde ich nach kurzer Zeit aufhören zu telefonieren. Warum behandelst du diesen Kerl so, wie du niemals einen Freund behandeln würdest? Versteh mich nicht falsch, ich würde meine Freunde total unterstützen und lieben, aber ich erwarte Respekt und Liebe als Gegenleistung. Wenn ein Freund mich schlecht behandelt, ich keinen großen Wutanfall habe oder versuche, sie zu schuldigen, gehe ich einfach davon aus, dass sie nicht gut passen, und gehe weiter. Daher erwarte ich bei mir, dass jede Liebesbeziehung zuerst auf einem Fundament der Freundschaft aufgebaut wird. Wenn der Mann mich nicht mindestens so gut behandelt wie ein Freund, wird er entlassen. Zweitens respektiere ich mich selbst - ich storniere keine Sachen mit Freunden, nur weil er mich sehen will. und wenn ich zum Beispiel zu einem Kunstempfang gehen möchte und mein Mann nicht - keine Probleme, frage ich einen Freund und gehe mit meinem Freund. wenn er sich aufregt, schade. Ich habe ein Leben, es ist ein gutes Leben, und er ist da, um mein Leben zu erweitern, nicht um es zu ersetzen. In ähnlicher Weise ermutige ich ihn jedoch, dies zu tun, wenn er mit seinen Freunden zu einem Ballspiel gehen möchte. Es ist wichtig, dass er ein Eigenleben hat. Ich versuche nicht, ihm das wegzunehmen. Ich bin eine unabhängige Frau. Ich brauche keinen Mann für materielle Unterstützung - ich bezahle meine eigenen Rechnungen. und ich erwarte, dass er auch seine eigenen Rechnungen bezahlt, ich zahle weder seine Miete noch seine Nebenkosten. Ich werde ihm jedoch ein schönes Date gönnen, genau wie ich erwarte, dass er mich mit schönen Dates verwöhnt. Ich brauche auch keinen Mann für emotionale Unterstützung. Ich habe Freunde, ich habe eine Kirche und meine Beziehung zu Gott, ich habe eine Familie und Haustiere ... also brauche ich keinen Freund, aber ich mag es, einen zu haben. Hier ist die Frage, die ich an Sie habe - was würde Sie eigentlich glücklich machen? Macht dich dein Typ glücklich? Kann er dich glücklich machen? Vielleicht sind Ihre Erwartungen an ihn zu hoch, vielleicht ist er der Typ, der sich nie an besondere Daten erinnert, und vielleicht müssen Sie sich fragen, ob er Ihrem Leben genug andere Dinge hinzufügt, um das in Ordnung zu bringen? und wenn ja - wäre es besser für dich, auf dich aufzupassen, einfach aufzuhören, dir die Mühe zu machen, all diese besonderen Dinge zu tun? Wenn er es nicht schätzt und es dich nur traurig macht - warum machst du es? Wenn Sie am Valentinstag Rosen brauchen, kaufen Sie sich Rosen. du kannst dich selbst lieben, weißt du? und wenn er es nicht schätzt, dass Sie 8 Stunden damit verbringen, ihm eine besondere Mahlzeit zuzubereiten, tun Sie dies nur, wenn Sie sich dadurch gut fühlen. Unterm Strich sollten Sie sich selbst lieben und auch keine unrealistische Erwartung an ihn stellen. Entweder müssen Sie diesen Kerl fallen lassen und jemanden finden, der Ihnen geben kann, was Sie wollen (nicht brauchen, weil Sie dieses Zeug absolut nicht tun), oder Sie müssen das Zeug schätzen, das dieser Kerl für Sie bereitstellt, und herausfinden, wozu Sie bereit sind Geben Sie ohne Ressentiments, Wut usw. Sie sollten frei geben, weil Sie wollen und weil es Sie glücklich macht, nicht mit der Erwartung, dass es ihn irgendwie schuldig macht oder ihn zwingt, dafür zu geben. und Sie sollten nicht erwarten, dass er etwas gibt, das er eigentlich nicht geben möchte, sondern schätzen, was er anbieten kann. und wenn Sie beide in dieser Hinsicht nicht gut zusammenpassen - je früher Sie abbrechen, desto eher können Sie jemanden finden, der Sie glücklicher macht. 8. April 2018, 16:02 Uhr laura Wow, das war eines der klügsten Dinge, die ich seit langer Zeit gelesen habe. Danke für das. <3 27. Juli 2018, 12:02 Uhr anonym Es scheint mir nur, als müsste ich all diese Arbeit einsetzen, um ihm zu gefallen und nichts dafür zu bekommen, oder Wenn ich eine kleine bedeutungsvolle Geste bekomme, muss ich ihm auch eine große Belohnung geben? klingt für mich so, als würdest du sagen, dass Frauen einfach weniger erwarten und mehr geben sollten. 13. Februar 2017, 9:18 Uhr anonym Außerdem war es neulich unser 2-jähriges Jubiläum, und ich habe uns organisiert, etwas zu tun, ich habe für beide Mahlzeiten bezahlt Ich machte ihm eine Karte und ein Geschenk und tat so gut wie alles andere, damit er sich geschätzt fühlte. Ich gebe immer mehr Geld für ihn aus und es ist nicht wirklich das Geld, das mir wichtig ist. Es ist nur so, dass ich so viel über Dinge nachdenke und er überhaupt nicht darüber nachdenkt. Wenn ich ihm ausdrücklich sage, was ich mag, was mich glücklich macht und Dinge wie 'Oh, es wäre schön, zur Abwechslung Blumen zu bekommen' oder 'Warum planen Sie nicht, dass wir zur Abwechslung etwas tun?' span> 13. februar 2017, 9:24 andrea l knapp mein freund und ich sind seit 4 jahren zusammen und er macht immer noch keine wirklich romantischen dinge. Es gibt viele kleine Dinge, aber gestern war mein Geburtstag und ich plante eine Nacht für ihn mehr als für mich, weil er die ganze Zeit gestresst ist und er mir nicht einmal eine Karte oder ein Geschenk irgendeiner Art besorgt hat… Es ist nur frustrierend, dass ich so viel für ihn tue und nie wirklich etwas dafür bekomme. Ich weiß nicht einmal, wie ich ihm erklären soll, wie ich mich fühle. Ich habe alles in den letzten 3,5 Jahren geplant. Unser 6-monatiges Jubiläum war das letzte Mal, dass er mich überrascht hat. 31. Januar 2017, 8:07 Uhr Verbündeter sehr hilfreicher Artikel. Danke. Ist es möglich, einige detaillierte Beispiele für die Belohnungen zu nennen? 31. Juli 2016, 14:29 Uhr eric charles Anstelle detaillierter Beispiele kann ich Ihnen eine einfache Anweisung geben, die Ihnen Ihr Liebesleben viel leichter macht… viel glücklicher für Sie beide ... und weitaus effektiver, wenn Sie die Art von Beziehung haben, die Sie wollen. Männer wollen kein Drama in ihrem Leben. Sie wollen, dass ihr Leben dramafrei und glücklich ist. Das heißt nicht, dass die Dinge nicht auftauchen oder dass Männer erwarten, dass sie ein stressfreies oder dramafreies Leben führen. aber wir bewegen uns weg von Stress und Drama und hin zu Vergnügen und Glück. Von Ihrer Seite aus ist das Beste, was Sie tun können, Ihre Stimmung zu Ihrer obersten Priorität zu machen. Wenn Sie sich innerlich wirklich gut fühlen und wirklich erfüllt, ganz und glücklich sind, strahlt diese großartige innere Stimmung nach außen aus. es gibt dir, was ich 'eine großartige Stimmung' nennen würde. Männer fühlen sich zu Frauen mit einer großartigen Stimmung hingezogen. Männer werden von einer Frau mit einer schlechten Stimmung abgestoßen (da ihr innerer Zustand mit negativen Gedanken und negativen Emotionen gefüllt ist). Nun mag dies luftig-feenhaft und new-agey klingen, aber ich erkläre dies tatsächlich als einfache Abkürzung für etwas sehr Konkretes. glückliche Menschen treffen glückliche Entscheidungen - sie „leben glücklich“, sie führen glückliche Gespräche, sie bewegen sich in Richtung glücklicher, harmonischer Beziehungen zu anderen und sie ernähren sich nicht von Negativität und Konflikten. Während ich diese Menschen als „gut gelaunt“ beschreibe, senden ihre Handlungen und sogar Mikrodetails über sie (wie winzige, schnelle, kleine Gesichtsausdrücke, die wir aufgreifen) gute Signale an die Menschen um uns herum. Während ich es eine gute Stimmung nenne, ist es mein Endziel, dass Sie all die Millionen von „Mikrosignalen“ senden, die den Menschen signalisieren, dass sie sich auf Sie zubewegen und näher bei Ihnen sein möchten. Anstatt zu versuchen, 'es zu fälschen, bis Sie es schaffen', ist es am einfachsten, wirklich glücklich zu sein, und all diese positiven Signale werden automatisch gesendet, ohne dass Sie darüber nachdenken. Eine gute Stimmung zieht nicht nur Männer an, sondern alle und alles. Ich habe keine wissenschaftliche Studie darüber, aber ich stelle mir vor, dass Tiere sogar die gute oder schlechte Stimmung einer Person wahrnehmen. Anstatt in eine Belohnungs- / Bestrafungs-Denkweise über Beziehungen verwickelt zu werden, ist es viel besser, einfach zu sein Die Marke, die Männer kaufen wollen - haben eine tolle Stimmung! und um eine großartige Stimmung zu haben, machen Sie Ihre Stimmung zu Ihrer obersten Priorität und finden Sie heraus, wie Sie so leben können, dass Sie vollkommen erfüllt, vollkommen glücklich und vollkommen entspannt sind, unabhängig davon, ob Sie einen Mann in Ihrem Leben haben oder nicht. Wenn Sie lernen, glücklich zu sein, ohne dass jemand anderes Sie „glücklich machen“ muss, sind Sie bereit, eine großartige Beziehung zu haben. Als letzten Gedanken haben mir Leute gesagt: „Ich bin kein Roboter, ich kann nicht immer glücklich sein und möchte auch nicht… wenn etwas Schlimmes passiert, werde ich es tun Sei verärgert und ich würde nicht vorhaben, anders zu sein. “ Meine Antwort lautet: „Ich verstehe und stimme zu. Es gibt Dinge in unserem Leben, die uns irgendwie verärgern werden. das ist normal und das passiert jedem. Ich sage also nicht, dass ich mich niemals über etwas aufregen soll. Ich glaube nicht, dass dies möglich ist. „Was jedoch absolut möglich ist, ist die Entscheidung, die negative Reaktion, die Sie auf etwas haben, nicht zu„ beeinflussen “. Sie können auf etwas negativ reagieren, feststellen, dass Sie negativ reagieren, und dann nicht weiter darauf eingehen. Sie können es zulassen, ohne sich darauf einzulassen - das bedeutet nicht, dass Sie möchten, dass das passiert, was passiert, und dass Sie dem zustimmen oder es für akzeptabel halten. Es bedeutet nur, dass Sie sich, anstatt sich dem zu widersetzen, was in der Realität passiert, erlauben, ruhig und klar darüber zu sein. ' Das macht den großen Unterschied aus - entscheiden Sie sich dafür, Ihre fröhliche Stimmung zu Ihrer obersten Priorität zu machen und sich selbst das feierliche Gelübde zu geben, dass Sie nicht mehr in die Negativität einfließen werden. hoffentlich hilft das. 1. August 2016, 14:32 Uhr rubin Es ist immer toll, die Gedanken von Männern über Männer zu hören - wer würde besser wissen, was in einem Mann vor sich geht als ein anderer Mann. Ihre Antwort hier bestätigt jedoch nicht, worüber Sie im Artikel gesprochen haben. Sie sagten: 'Finden Sie die Dinge, die sich positiv auf die andere Person auswirken, und tun Sie diese, um gutes Verhalten zu belohnen.' Zunächst bin ich mir nicht ganz sicher, was du meinst. Aber mehr auf den Punkt gebracht, in Ihrer Antwort hier sagen Sie: 'Anstatt in eine Belohnungs- / Bestrafungs-Denkweise verwickelt zu werden ...' waren Sie derjenige, der nur über Belohnungen gesprochen hat! Sie müssen einige Beispiele liefern. Die ersten, die mir in den Sinn kommen, sind Essen und Sex. Oh, und Bier. Aber ich habe nicht das Gefühl, dass Sie nicht darüber sprechen. Außerdem halte ich es nicht für gesund, Sex als Belohnung zu betrachten. Also ... seit du es angesprochen hast ... über welche Art von Belohnungen sprichst du? Können Sie einige Beispiele nennen? Ich weiß, dass es für jeden Mann anders sein wird, aber nur ein paar Ideen, um uns auf den richtigen Weg zu bringen. 13. November 2016, 5:07 Uhr Eric Charles cool - gute, gemessene, nachdenkliche Fragen. Ich antworte gerne. Ich sage nicht, dass Sie in eine Denkweise der Belohnungsstrafe verwickelt werden. Das Gewicht dieses Satzes liegt auf 'gefangen in'. Ich leugne nicht die Realität, dass Menschen mehr von etwas tun, wenn sie dafür belohnt werden, und weniger von etwas, wenn sie dafür 'bestraft' werden. Wenn man jedoch eine Beziehung als Belohnungs- / Bestrafungssystem betrachtet, entsteht eine Trennung von der anderen Person. Das heißt, anstatt mit der anderen Person zu interagieren, interagieren Sie mit einem einfachen mentalen Modell. Mentale Modelle können hilfreich sein, um zu analysieren, warum etwas passiert sein könnte, aber es ist ein schlechter Ansatz für Beziehungen, wenn Sie sie als Bildschirm für die Interaktion mit jemandem verwenden. Es streift die gesamte Breite Ihres Bewusstseins, Ihrer Wahrnehmungen und Instinkte ab und lässt Ihnen eine binäre Auswahl an Möglichkeiten für Ihre Interaktion. Wenn ich über das Verstehen von Belohnungen spreche, sage ich aus der Perspektive, dass es gut ist zu wissen, was die andere Person mag und auf was sie reagiert, damit Sie sicherstellen können, dass Ihre Beziehung insgesamt von dieser Art von Energie durchdrungen ist. Essen und Sex gehören zu den einfachsten Arten von Belohnungen. Denken Sie mehr nach dem Vorbild der Wertschätzung (der Eigenschaften, die er als Beispiel in sich selbst schätzt) oder der Anerkennung (der Anstrengungen, die er als Beispiel unternimmt) oder der Ermutigung (dass er der Mann werden kann, den er als Beispiel sein möchte). . Die Welt ist ein harter Ort. Wenn seine Beziehung den Ton einer weiteren Belastung und Verpflichtung annimmt, wird sie irgendwann zu etwas, von dem er sich entfernen möchte. Wenn seine Beziehung den Ton eines Heiligtums annimmt, ein freudiger und friedlicher Rückzug aus der rauen Welt, in der wir leben ... nun, dann ist dies eine Beziehung, zu der er sich bewegen und die er vertiefen möchte. Aus dieser Perspektive könnte jemand fragen: „Aber was ist mit mir? Was ist mit meinen Wünschen und Wünschen? ' Machen Sie ihm auf jeden Fall Ihre Wünsche und Begierden bekannt. Ein glücklicher Mann möchte dich glücklich machen ... er wird es versuchen, vorausgesetzt er versteht und du führst ihn auf dem Weg. jedoch ... wenn er sich als unfähig erweist, Ihnen zu geben, was Sie wollen, müssen Sie sich daran erinnern, dass Sie sich dafür entscheiden, die Beziehung mit ihm fortzusetzen. Jeden Tag, an dem Sie aufwachen und mit jemandem in einer Beziehung stehen, entscheiden Sie sich tatsächlich dafür, weiterhin an der Beziehung teilzunehmen. Sie haben die Möglichkeit, die Teilnahme zu beenden, wenn Sie möchten. Da Sie die Möglichkeit haben, weiterhin teilzunehmen, können Sie entweder wählen oder nicht ... aber es gibt keine vernünftige Zwischenzone, die strategisch zu einer Sesnse führt. Wenn Sie Ihre Beziehung fortsetzen möchten, warum würden Sie dann nicht alles tun, um den Ton der Beziehung so gut wie möglich zu gestalten? Warum würden Sie nicht alles in Ihrer Macht Stehende tun, um Ihre Wünsche und Bedürfnisse bekannt zu machen und Ihr Bestes zu geben, um ihre zu verstehen und ihnen gerecht zu werden? und wenn Sie wirklich glauben, dass Ihre Wünsche und Vorstellungen in der Beziehung nicht erfüllt werden ... nun, dann ist es Zeit, sich zu fragen, ob Sie weiterhin teilnehmen möchten. Ich hoffe, das hilft zu klären, woher ich komme. 13. November 2016, 13:57 Uhr natalia wow man. wahre Worte der Weisheit in beiden obigen Antworten. 20. März 2017, 11:20 Uhr Liebhaber21 Wie mache ich meinen Freund zu einem romantischen 21. März 2016, 14:42 Uhr eric charles … oder du bist nur jemand, der gerne wütend wird, sobald etwas mit dem Geschlecht zu tun hat. Ich wette, Sie haben den Artikel nicht gelesen, sind nur überflogen, wurden wütend (weil Sie es lieben, im Internet zu sitzen und sich über Dinge zu ärgern) und haben dann einen anonymen Kommentar geschrieben. Glückwunsch. 13. Oktober 2015, 11:42 Uhr Jessica sehr interessanter Artikel. Das Problem, das ich immer noch mit meinem Mann habe, ist, dass er, als wir vor 6 Monaten mit dem Dating begannen, große Gesten machte und süße Texte verschickte und aufgeregt war, mich zu überraschen. das dauerte ungefähr einen Monat und seitdem gab es keine Süße, Nachdenklichkeit oder Romantik. Ich sage ihm unverblümt, dass er aufmerksamer sein und mir nur zeigen muss, dass er mich genauso will, aber nach zwei oder drei dieser Gespräche hat sich nichts geändert. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich denke immer darüber nach, was er mag. Beispiel - Ich hasse Erdnussbutter, aber er liebt Erdnussbutterkekse, also habe ich sie gemacht. Beispiel 2 - Ich bin kein großer Kochfanatiker, aber ich wollte ihn glücklich machen, also habe ich Abendessen für ihn gekocht und ihn mehrmals im Bett frühstücken lassen. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich schreibe ihm immer eine SMS, um ihm zu versichern, dass ich ihn will, aber ich bekomme nichts zurück. Ich sage 'Ich vermisse dich' und die Antwort 'Es ist schön, vermisst zu werden'.… .wtf?!?! Ich habe das Gefühl, ich füttere ihn mit dem Löffel, was ich in unserer Beziehung brauche. Ich bitte ihn nicht, Geld für mich auszugeben. Alles was ich will ist nur für Zuneigung und verbale Bestätigung, dass er an mich denkt und mich immer noch will. Ich initiiere sogar die meiste Zeit Sex! Hilfe!! 12. Juli 2015, 19:05 Uhr lisab verlasse sein Arschmädchen! Er hat keinen Respekt vor dir, dass es schön ist, vermisst zu werden, sehr unhöflich und gemein! 19. Juli 2015, 10:15 Uhr ayshea Über welche Belohnungen sprechen wir hier? 23. Mai 2015, 2:00 Uhr kaylee Wow, ich bin wirklich beeindruckt von diesem Artikel. Ich fand es toll, dass Sie sich selbst als Beispiel genommen und die banalen Geschlechtsstigmen ausgelassen haben. Dies hat tatsächlich feste Materialien hervorgebracht, die ich beobachten und für die Situation, in der ich mich gerade befinde, in die Tat umsetzen kann. Dafür danke ich Ihnen. Ich bin momentan neidisch auf mein einfältiges männliches Gegenstück, sein Geist konzentriert sich hauptsächlich auf die Arbeit und meinerseits ist es beschämend, ihn mit Liebe, Zuneigung, Hausangestellten und dem mächtigen Rücken zu verwöhnen. Ich bin ihm völlig unterwürfig, aber das macht mir und ihm auch Freude. gestern fragte er mich, ob ich ein Date haben möchte, das mag für ein durchschnittliches Dating-Paar keine große Sache sein, aber für 5 Monate im Jahr ist er ein Workaholic. Den ganzen Tag dachte ich über dieses Datum nach und war total aufgeregt, dass seine gewünschten Auslassungen mich ohnmächtig machten. Ich sah heiß aus, auf einer Skala von eins bis zehn war ich leicht eine Million. Ich wartete gespannt auf seine Ankunft zu Hause, hörte, wie sich die Tür öffnete und er freudig meinen Namen rief. Mein Herz explodierte vor Vorfreude. Er kroch neben mir ins Bett und sagte mir, er brauche ein Nickerchen, bevor wir uns verabreden. Ich war, gelinde gesagt, ein wenig verblüfft, aber ich weiß, dass er hart arbeitet, also habe ich mich in die Form eines Löffels geformt und mich neben ihn gelegt. Zwei Stunden später erhält er einen Anruf. Eine Person fragt, ob er einen schnellen Job machen könnte. ugh, also nahm ich die Einladung an, mitzufahren und im Truck zu warten, während er diesen Job erledigte. Nachdem Sie gefahren sind und das Teil bekommen müssen, ist es jetzt drei Stunden später und nach acht. aber ich war so aufgeregt für dieses Date, dass ich an all dem vorbei schaute und immer noch ein Lächeln trug. Auf dem Weg zum Film ruft sein Freund an und fragt, ob wir abhängen wollen. Er sagte ihr, sie solle vorbeikommen, dass wir fast zu Hause seien. grrrr. Ich fühlte mich völlig vernachlässigt und enttäuscht, aber ich verehre seinen Freund wirklich und hatte etwas Wein im Haus, also dachte ich, ich würde das Beste daraus machen. Wir hatten eine tolle Zeit, aber ich fühlte mich immer noch so verblüfft. Also sagte ich etwas zu ihm darüber. Ich erzählte ihm, wie ich mich fühlte und ließ ihn wissen, dass ich nicht böse war, aber dass ich mich ab und zu für jeden etwas Besonderes fühlen muss. Ich meine, ich verstehe. Er besitzt seine eigene Firma, er ist extrem fleißig und im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes mein bester Freund. Ich könnte jeden Mann bekommen, den ich will, er weiß das und ist dennoch so sicher in sich, mich zu glätten. Ich fand es toll, was du darüber geschrieben hast, dass seine kleinen Dinge etwas Besonderes sind. Wir gehen ein- bis manchmal dreimal am Tag essen, also ist Essen und Restaurants, ob schick oder nicht, zur Routine geworden und nicht zum Dating. Wir wollten uns einen Film ansehen, wir hatten kein extravagantes Date, sondern einen Film. Ich bin extrem wartungsarm und locker, daher habe ich manchmal das Gefühl, dass dies der Stock in meinem Rad ist. Ich möchte, dass er die Tatsache schätzt, dass ich die perfekte Frau bin und dass er mich hat. Ich will ihn, ich wähle ihn. Ich bin nicht an so viel Widerstand von Männern gewöhnt, daher denke ich, dass Sie in Bezug auf den Arbeitsteil Recht haben. Ich möchte ihm gefallen und er ist zuversichtlich und sicher genug, um mir nein zu sagen oder mich zu demütigen. Ich liebe das, lass es mich dir sagen. Ich meine, ich will nichts so wie es ist, aber er hat wirklich alles, was er tut, zu etwas ganz Besonderem gemacht. Heute Morgen, bevor er zur Arbeit ging, küsste er meine Stirn und kuschelte sich neben mich und sagte mir, wie leid es ihm tat, wie er es wieder gut machen würde. Ich war nicht einmal so verrückt, aber er war überzeugt davon, deshalb liebe ich ihn. Wir haben eine großartige Kommunikation und keiner von uns ist schnell wütend. aber ich möchte mich bei Ihnen dafür bedanken, dass Sie mir klar gemacht haben, dass ich die Dinge, die er für mich verwöhnt und für mich tut, mehr zu schätzen wissen muss, anstatt mich darüber zu ärgern, dass ich einen Film verpasst habe. Danke noch einmal! kaylee 18. april 2015, 11:06 kate meiner erfahrung nach muss man ihn nicht dazu drängen, irgendetwas zu tun, weil er es versuchen würde in mehr als einer Hinsicht, um Sie zu überraschen und Ihnen das Gefühl zu geben, für ihn wichtig zu sein. Ich weiß, dass einige Leute nicht sehr emotional sind. Am Ende würde er dich jedoch immer wissen lassen, ob er in dich verliebt ist oder nicht. 25. Februar 2015, 01:25 Uhr mc Sie sagten „umwerfendes Ding“, wann wird dieses umwerfende Ding passieren? 14. Februar 2015, 15:30 Uhr stacy ayaa Ich möchte nicht kritisch gegenüber Ihrer Situation klingen, aber ich bin froh zu wissen, dass Sie ihm dabei geholfen haben, dieses Vertrauen zu gewinnen. Ich entschuldige mich, aber es hört sich so an, als würde Ihre Angst vor seiner Veränderung ihn irgendwie in die Arme einer anderen Frau drücken. Wenn ja, lass es sein und lass ihn aus Erfahrung lernen. Wenn er dich liebt, wird er bei dir sein und nur bei dir, wenn er ihn nicht genug liebt, um ihn gehen zu lassen. etwas, worüber Sie nachdenken sollten: Wenn er auf lange Sicht dieselbe Person bleiben würde, die er war, als Sie ihn das erste Mal getroffen haben, würden Sie ihn später ärgern, weil er sich nicht an Ihren idealen Partner angepasst hat, wenn Sie sich mit ihm gelangweilt haben. Angstbasierte Motivation wird Sie am Ende beißen, machen Sie also nicht so viel aus Veränderungen. Entspann dich und geh mit ihm aus. liebe ihn durch den Prozess und suche in dir selbst, warum du Angst hast, dass sein neu gefundenes Vertrauen dich so unsicher macht. 6. Februar 2015, 23:10 Uhr ayaa Vielen Dank, Stacy, für Ihre Meinung. Ich habe in diesen wenigen Wochen festgestellt, dass ich überlegt und unsicher war. Ich hatte Angst, benutzt zu werden, aber mir wurde klar, dass die Einstellung, die ich zu unserer Beziehung hatte, sie ruinieren wird. Ich habe mich entschlossen, kontaktfreudiger zu sein, wie Sie gesagt haben, und ich fühle mich so viel mehr wie ich selbst, so viel selbstbewusster. :) 21. Februar 2015, 13:02 Uhr ayaa Ich und mein Freund sind jetzt seit 8 Monaten zusammen, ich weiß, dass es nicht viel ist, aber ich mag ihn wirklich. Mein Freund war der mollige, schüchterne und unsichere Typ. Ich habe ihn gemocht, weil ich wusste, wie nett er sein kann, aber er hat sich in letzter Zeit sehr verändert. Ich denke, dass die Tatsache, dass ich ihm eine Chance gegeben habe, er viel mehr Selbstvertrauen gewonnen hat und jetzt viel kontaktfreudiger ist. Er hat sich so sehr verändert, dass es mir Angst macht. Ich habe das Gefühl, dass er ihn jetzt für zu gut hält und ich weiß nicht was zu tun ... ich mochte ihn sehr, wie er in der Vergangenheit war, aber jetzt, wo er sich so sehr verändert hat, weiß ich nicht, was ich tun soll, weil ich weiß, dass ich ihn immer noch mag ... ich will ihn wirklich so, wie er vorher war ... Ich brauche wirklich einige Ratschläge, weil er jetzt angefangen hat, sich mit vielen anderen Mädchen anzufreunden. Ich brauche Hilfe. 27. Januar 2015, 23:54 Uhr adela mayse Ich stimme dem zu! ! In der Frage heißt es: Wie kann ich meinen Mann dazu bringen, romantisch zu sein? und sie gibt an, dass sie sich wegen seiner nachlässigen Handlungen nicht geliebt fühlt. dann am Ende seiner Aussage sollen wir ihn gut fühlen lassen? Ja, lass uns das machen, weil er uns das Gefühl gegeben hat, so großartig zu sein. Offensichtlich sind wir in diesem Beitrag !!! 20. Januar 2015, 11:13 Uhr alma inspirierend. bitte mailen. Das war von Gott gesandt. 3. Januar 2015, 10:57 Uhr jay Ich war ein Jahr mit meinem Freund zusammen, dann haben wir uns für ein paar Monate getrennt und wieder angefangen zu reden, aber jedes Mal, wenn wir Pläne machen, sich zu treffen, er schreibt keine SMS, er wird am Tag zuvor fragen, ob ich noch zu einem Treffen bereit bin, dann nichts, was soll ich tun? january 2, 2015, 6:29 pm tamara marshall hi, i been with this guy since i was 11 years old and we broke up in january so it will be a whole year since we were together. now on facebook i see him with his new girlfriend but he messaged me he said he still has love for me a couple months ago it seemed like he didn’t want to respond to me what should i do? he’s my first love and we been dating for 4 years now and i miss him should i persue him first? december 26, 2014, 8:51 pm corey i have made it very obvious to my significant other how much i love it when he texts or does “little things” for me. even though he rarely does it, i’ve let him know that just a simple email or text can make my day. he says that all he wants to do is make me happy, so i don’t understand why he doesn’t even make the effort to do the things he knows i like! when i know he likes something, i do it. i want to tell him this bothers me, but i don’t want him to do it just because i “asked him to,” basically ruining it. plus, i feel like he should want to do things that make me happy anyway. what gives? this is the exact feeling that made me google this. it’s like these words were taken rigjt outta my head. what gives guys? if u love your woman, show it or she will eventually leave u for someone who actually wants go do these things. when u really love someone, doing things for the should come naturally . so what gives? one night is one night. no matter how much they went all out. it’s one night. the little things are what keeps a relationship strong and worthwhile sometimes. why should we have to wait around for a spectacular one night event. we want romance alk the time. november 27, 2014, 1:08 am fibs i you read this post correctly, you would have noticed that about the one big night. he agrees with the fact that one great night isn’t enough for us women and for the relationship. he started by saying that he made this mistake. if you want romance all the time, show him how much you appreciate the things he does (i love it when you do that etc…., and reward him afterwards with something he likes). it’s gonna take time but yes eventually you’ll have your little things december 28, 2014, 9:44 am martin romance… ahhhhh the good old natural attraction. romance cannot be made to happen, it is a natural reaction and interaction between a man and a woman. when there’s none it means there’s something missing, and in order for your partner to b romantic with you, he should love you and be attracted to you enough to be romantic. for starter, you should change somethings in your behaviour in order to make him drool over you with love and attraction. to know what to do, you should know what attracts a man to a woman. (same applies vice versa, but now we’re dealing with a man’s side). ( in a relationship) a man feels less and less attracted to his woman if she behaves as follows: 1- she’s too much after him. 2- she reveals too much of her attractive body parts, both at home and in public (legs, cleft(s), belly, shoulders and armpits). 3- she brushes her teeth, floss (and leaves the thread in the sink or floating inside the toilet seat, go to the toilet etc…) in front of him. these things and similar behavior make the man feels not attracted to a woman, because he did not fall in love with that, he fell in love with a woman’s ideals and completed the picture in his mind, which doesnt include the above mentioned visuals. a woman should show compassion to her man but also make him go after her, and yes like cats. always. she should try to make him not see her when she’s flossing or brushing her teeth, or see her kotex etc… eliminate the floss thread after use, wash well your mouth with water and soap after brushing and wear colorful attractive “combinaison” at home, and play hard to get, both in bed and out of it, but maintain a smile and compassion to him, he needs both ways in parallels. romance is lost when intimacy and modesty is lost, it is why romance is still highly available in conservative societies and almost extinct in liberal ones. you find romeos and julliettes in each corner in conservative countries. 20, 30, 40, 50 and 60 year old couples still write poetry to each other and can’t get home to their partners. make sure to visit the hair stylist for a fix, not less than once a week, and wear high quality shoes.. a balance of elegance, modesty, high-status and attractive wear and the above mentioned, should keep things romantic. unless he doesn’t deserve that, then leave him peacefully, take a 2-3 months break and then go look elsewhere. august 3, 2014, 4:41 am patricia this…this helped me a lot ;) thanks july 3, 2014, 6:39 pm jessica i need an answer to my question asap from a guy. how do i get my boyfriend of a year to be romantic and sweet like he was a few years ago with his ex. see thing is she cheated on him and had a child be the other guy. he was hurt badly. how do i make him see i’m not like her and get him to be sweet and romantic again? i’ve tried everything! july 3, 2014, 5:11 pm lady it’s not true that all women want the little things because he’s the type of man who is busy. some want the “little things” because on average it’s expected in our culture, because it shows he cares and he is a loving person, it shows he isn’t lazy and puts small efforts into the relationship – showing he’s able to put effort into things that matter to him and this adds to attraction. february 15, 2014, 4:40 pm bo romance can so different to everybody. i am in a long distance relationship at the moment and we have just been together recently. we had just come back in from dinner and after a “cuddle” we always talk about nothing and everything. i had mentioned that i would really love some fish and chips wrapped in paper well the evening that i was ready to leave my beautiful man came in with, you guessed it fish and chips,so you see that to me was absolutely romantic because he knew that it would make me happy. it’s all give and take, we teach each other. january 29, 2014, 4:53 am lush i am in a relationship with a girl. she loves me to death. her parents want us to get engage soon. my problem is i dont have feelings for her any more. i dont know when and how that happens. i tried my best to convince her to let me go but she wont give up. i really like her but i dont love her. she is a great person. she keep forcing me to tell her sweet things, lovey and dovey things, she keeps telling me to tell her that i love her, and buy her things and talk about things. i get angry when she does that and i dont know why. and few times i have thrown the phone away and broke it. i cannot talk to her about politics, or mature issues or topics, she thinks about me 24/7. i dont feel like saying her anything sweet or buying her anything. i hate when she texts me or calls me. i avoid answering her phone calls. she keeps sending pictures of herself from the weddings or parties she goes to and she wants me to comment on them, if there are no weddings, she would just send random pics of hers and asks me to comment on them. i am so depressed deep down, i feel like breaking down. cus i cant stand the sight of me treating her or any person in such a way. i am not an ass. when i was with my ex, i could make her melt by saying the most romantics things to her out of no where. i can talk to her for hours and hours and hours. i would buy anything for her and surprise her and come up with most creative ways to woo her and she would just melt. however, this is not the case if my current gf and this is killing me inside. she doesnt care who i am with and where i am and what i am doing, she just wants me to answer her phone call and keep talking to her. 99% of time i got nothing to tell her whatsoever. i cant even tell her that car she bough has serious transmission problem. i just dont know what to do eric. i do not what to do really. its killing me inside. i hate to treat her that way. thank you lush january 12, 2014, 5:03 am amanda lush, im a girl, please dont take this harsh…1# be honest, with yourself, her and anyone involved..one thing people cant argue with is honesty. 2# don’t compare your current relationship to your past, not good for anyone involved. you can only learn from past “experiences”. 3# i understand where you are coming from, however, wouldn’t letting her go now cause her less pain instead of in the future….it seems you feel like you have a problem communicating to/with her, your feelings. i would start there. explain how you feel, what upsets you, etc… maybe she will see how she’s acting. she is most likely unaware of her actions. it also seems that she is at a false sense of where yall relationship is and that is partly because you are giving in instead of telling her the truth. you are beginning to “hate” her because of the strain and situation you two are in….in short if i was her and you felt this strongly i would be less hurt by you just coming out and saying how you felt and then trying to console me by explaining my short comings so that i may learn what “turned you off”. never know it may be a great learning experience for you both. it could also have a turn for the best and could improve your relationship with her. you must of had feelings for her at some point. they are still there is about nurturing each other back to that point, if, that’s if it can be salvaged…hope this helps best of luck. muster some strength. you not wanting to hurt her shows that you are sensitive. just don’t let it go on to long…its only more damaging then. january 17, 2014, 5:37 pm lush amanda, thank you for your feedback and sincere advice. i will you this: 1. last one year i spent telling her openly how i feel. i told her i dont want this relationship directly, no beatings around the bush. 2. i told her i needed a break – when i did that she kept bickering that i am getting married to someone else. 3. i dont hate her at all – i just dont mind myself romantically attached to her. 4. she is 23, i believe she still lives in lala land – doesnt think about anything or take any other factors into consideration. 5. these things were killing me inside, she just not understanding what i am trying to tell her even if i tell her straight up. it got so bad that i had to divulge all this to one of her good friends. i think she talked to her few months back, but things are back to square one. just 3 days ago, i was driving, she kept calling me and texting me, the moment i told her i am driving, she called me right back. i dont like to talk to her when people are around me (cus i feel that i need to have my own privacy/my private life – what i do and who i talk to is none of their business). 6. she told me how her friend told her not to call me or text me excessively. but she wont stop at all. 7. i work at nights, she knows i will be at work around 11pm, she calls me right at the time when i get to work. she knows i work at nights, she calls me in the morning when i am sleeping. 8. you know amanda, i got this 2nd job working at nights so that i can save money to buy her things cus money i make with my other job is to pay off my school loans, my bills and i save whatever i can for myself and needy people. 9. i made every effort to tell her how i feel but she just wont give up on me. 10. she is beautiful/gorgeous but i dont find myself attracted to her romantically or even sexually. 11. i dont find anything to talk to her about. there is no topic that i can talk to her. i just dont feel the connection or she has any knowledge about politics/religion/careers/cars/sports/business/work ethics/ she doesnt even know what kind of car she drives, or other things that a person should be aware of. 12. but what i really like about her is her big heart. she has a heart of gold and i cant see her cry. this scares me the most, hurting her in any way. 13. i am not even talking to other girls, i could if i wanted to but i dont want to make those moves towards them. what kind i tell her and how? open and straight forward talk is not helping either. january 19, 2014, 5:43 am sarah hey lush, you left your comment quite a few months ago but i hope it’s not too late. first of all, i admire you. you sound like a very decent and selfless person, you can’t stand that girl anymore but you can’t stand hurting her either. but buddy, i’m sorry you’re going to have to make a choice. if you’re hurting that relationship isn’t good for you, even though you just can’t make her suffer and leave her. i know how this can be hard. my guess is, and i could be wrong, you are emotionally attached to her even if you don’t love her, that’s maybe one of the reasons you were unable to leave her and instead talked about it to her, which is the right solution. if you can’t stand to see her cry, that means you care. and when you care about people, it’s hard of course to make the decision to leave them. now, before, i was like that too with my girlfriend (i mean not as much as that but i get her point), until i realized that’s just not the way you treat a guy! because i loved him too much, i had to change, i had to be selfless. if you really talked to her about it, and she ignored it and stayed the same, then maybe she doesn’t love you that much after all, not enough to change and make you happier, at least. if the situation is still on, talk to her again, but some kind of other method like telling her you feel like leaving her, don’t be afraid of her tears, something thtat will just have to make her want to change. thing is, lush, it’s hard for people to change. at least, it takes time. my guess is, if she’s as gorgeous as you say she is and you still aren’t attracted romantically and sexually, you never will. you can’t fool yourself and teach yourself how to love someone just not to hurt those people. make things right and fair for you, and for her. because at least, she deserves to have real love, someone that will maybe make her change, and not just a guy who is forced into commenting her pictures. think about yourself and your sanity, but also think about what she deserves! if she has a golden heart, then she’ll understand and forgive and realize it was for the best. cheers and good luck! may 6, 2014, 7:22 am honest when you look at relationships honestly, i think this is spot on and may be able to help me immensely. for everyone hating on the article for it being from a man’s perspective, i think most of the information could be flipped to a woman’s perspective quite easily and works both ways in a relationship. thank you for the honesty eric. september 25, 2013, 3:03 am jessica wow, i can’t even begin. first of all, there’s such a thing as a happy medium between a guy who has his own life/thoughts going on and a pushover. men (ok, some) are fully capable of being strong males yet making the occasional sweet gesture for their lady. my late fiancé was the manliest man i ever knew but he would still do amazing things like throw pebbles up and my window at midnight, or hide chocolate and jewelry in easter eggs and throw me my own easter egg hunt in our house. he was a military man and everything, far from a pushover. give me a break. and then we should be grateful that a man has his own thing going on to be romantic? would you like a sandwich whilst i get back in the kitchen too, massa? august 22, 2013, 12:00 am preach hallelujah! thank you for sharing what i was thinking while reading that entire article. its disgusting. october 8, 2014, 8:37 pm eric charles actually, in all honesty, i was about to come at you, but after re-reading that section, yeah, i could have been more clear about how i meant it. sorry to hear your fiance passed away. he sounds like he was a great man and i have nothing but respect for a man who had the courage to serve in the military and the heart to be good to you as his future wife. there’s nothing about what you described that’s against anything i advocate or encourage… when i have a moment, i’ll probably edit the article and clarify some stuff, remove some stuff, say some stuff differently… now — with all that said… and again, i think that your point had merit… but come on: “would you like a sandwich whilst i get back in the kitchen too, massa?” now you’re just being… silly. so i’m just going to pretend you didn’t make those implications and thank you for the rest of the comment which was illustrated a solid point. october 9, 2014, 1:21 am cecilia so…it’s november 9th and this article has not been ‘edited’ like you said it would be ‘when you have time’. your response to the above comment is a complete reflection of what i hate about your stupid article and this entire topic. i’m not hating on men. i have been in a relationship where the man out of his own volition made small and big efforts to make me happy and keep the romance alive. it’s nothing but laziness and selfishness. november 9, 2014, 11:46 am ann i agree. i am sick of all this stuff directed at women doing all the work and teaching their man. screw that too. it’s not rocket science, it’s give and take, not give and give. july 23, 2013, 2:59 pm heather i found this article to be interesting. at first,i didn’t quite know where you were going with your ideas, but as i kept reading i found myself nodding in agreement and thinking, “hmm, i never thought of that. it just might work.” sometimes it is extremely difficult to get into the mind of your spouse, and when your spouse is not great at verbalizing what they need, things can seem pretty impossible. i think this article is talking about finding ways to reward your partner the way that they would like instead of assuming that when you reward them in a way that you would like that it will mean as much to them as it does to you. i appreciate whoever took the time to write this article. and for those of you bashing it, if you don’t agree with what he has to say, then go read another article, but since you’re here i’m guessing your method of trying to get attention from your significant other is not working. so why not explore the advice this article has given? if it doesn’t work, it’s not going to kill you to have tried:) may 8, 2013, 7:14 pm alma i totally agree. in my case i really came with a spiritual perspective. i actually. felt compelled to reread the article. in conclusion , i felt as this was an eye-opener. but , as i said i came across this article with spiritual eyes and it was no coincidence. i have taken what i needed to make my relationship work better and to have a happier relationship wth the one who matters most. those who are hating come with negative perspectives and may ruim it for the ones who do find this helpful. consequently, it might make people who could otherwise benefit draw back. thank god that eric is not giving up on his call in spite of those who despite his knowledge and expertise. so ask yourselves , despiteful ones , “who are you really kidding? “ january 3, 2015, 11:48 pm gaby i stumbled into this article because i was given an assignment to write a paper on how to make a guy be more romantic. i was struggling because i know from experience that there is no 1-2-3 step plan and i hated the idea of a paper that encourages women to try to change their man. call me odd, but i never went for the cliches. i would promptly blow out candles, turn off the music, and crawl into bed in my thickest pjs on hand. i was called an anti-romantic until i realized the reason i couldn’t be romantic was because i didn’t care about my partner. once i left that relationship and started dating a man i fell madly in love with, i started to feel more “romantic”. however, i’ve also realized that men think differently, like you said. i learned to value the small ways he showed that he loved me, even if it wasn’t what the books or magazines called “romantic”. once i stopped being stressed about what i thought romance was, i enjoyed our relationship a lot more. to me, having him complement my cooking, wrap his arms around me as we watch a movie, or watch the kids so i can sleep is so much more romantic than taking me out for dinner or playing sax music. we went through long-distance phases and i had to learn that while i enjoy writing long, newsy emails, he does not. he responded in skype. so what? let him be, and then be blown away when he calls long distance out of the blue, just because. he knows what i like and goes out of his way to do them, but like you said, more of a monthly build up. i think the women who whine about making their man be more romantic need to ask themselves if it’s really something they “need” or is it just a rom/com stereotype they need to rethink. thanks for giving me the voice to state my own thoughts on the matter. i won’t be writing a fluff piece, but an honest one. april 15, 2013, 1:56 pm erika wow. i didn’t manage to get past the withholding affection because it means more. Beeindruckend. breaking someones heart repeatedly when they state their needs is not healthy or fair. if the female takes the mans actions for granted, then she doesn’t deserve him and neither does she deserve to be neglected in a reverse scenario. you make me sick. march 6, 2013, 3:58 pm eric charles … what are you talking about? “you make me sick,” is a bit harsh, don’t you think? would you say that to me if you were speaking to me in person? probably not. this site talks about having better relationships – maybe instead of attacking me, you’d do well to do a little self reflection on how your relationships are going. call it a hunch, but usually people who leave spit vitriol via comment walls tend to be people who would benefit from stopping their critical behavior. just a suggestion in the interest of your self-improvement… since… that’s why i’m here… which brings me to my final question: why are *you* here? march 22, 2013, 6:40 pm erika to answer why i am here: i read your article because i am 7 months pregnant with our second child in the two years we have been together and i feel so sad most of the time. shouldn’t this be the happiest time for us? i desperately wanted to find a solution and i was feeling particularly low that day. i also forgot about your article since then and just came across it again today. i guess it is not a coincidence. there is little to no romance unless i do something. this leaves me feeling exhausted, last on his priorities and neglected. my closest friends and family are ridiculously happy couples who give and take equally. it’s hard to see that and feel like something is wrong with me. maybe not everyone relates the way you do in the romance department. it’s really none of my business. i personally do not want to resort to playing games or starve my heart for a bit of affection. i verbalize my needs and do my best to love him as i would like to be loved. i am an incredibly demonstrative, romantic person and nothing makes me happier than loving him or being loved back. or at least it did. it just hurts now. maybe i am doing everything wrong or he is just not the right man for me. i feel like i can’t just give up or walk away, but every day i die a little more inside. i feel like all my actions towards him are tainted with sadness at this point. and in answer to your second question, i would tell you you make me sick in person. i’m outspoken and prego hormones only add fuel to the fire. i don’t feel that way anymore, i think i was just very upset. april 17, 2013, 4:49 pm cafegirlswpress you’re an a**hole, eric, and your advice is crap. tell me where you got your graduate degree, so i can put it on my list to avoid. this is a column for douchebags and douchebaguettes. ick. january 17, 2013, 11:35 pm eric charles haha, wow… someone is an angry person. how is that working out for you? march 22, 2013, 6:35 pm g you don’t even need to respond to these very few negative comments eric. lol, seriously, screw them! they like to bring other people down with them. july 9, 2013, 1:50 am ann i totally agree. why should anyone have to train someone? pleaseeee. it’s not rocket science! july 23, 2013, 2:55 pm lornalilo so, first i want to say i agree with you.. i do believe in the pschological part of it all.. i am all for telling him what he is doing is right and reaping the rewards.. let me give you an insight on my relationship: my man used to be my fwb, we didnt kiss, go out on dates, cuddle, hold hands, etc.. and then he wanted to be exclusive… –__– he has been in my life forever, and i love him, i went ahead and entertained the idea.. he is funny and good working man. could take care of me. plenty of security. but.. um.. still no cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.. no little weekend trips, no throw me against the wall and make out with me type of stuff, that i have been craving.. so, my mistake was that i told him i wanted this stuff.. instead of him doing it and me saying “well don’t do it because i want you to” he just doesn’t.. it almost seems very hard for him.. he only kisses me when i tell him to, while were intamate.. .. he even told me, well lets switch roles, you be me and i will be you.. and then i will know what you want from me.. ?? i am so confused on what i am supposed to do.. i realize we have an odd relationship.. we live seperately and an hour away from each other with very busy schedules.. so i am not sure where to go with “our” relationship.. to make it more .. romantic… any help? november 15, 2012, 1:25 pm shweta eric, this is great stuff.. thank you for sharing. this is exactly what i needed to be told at this stage in life.. i realise i ws being quite selfish in my relationship (we’ve bn together since i ws 15 its bn 8 yrs nw.. long time i knw :p)but nw i wil certaintly try dis.. november 4, 2012, 4:24 pm perla hey i have a problem with my boyfriend he doesent act romantic could you help me to be romantic pleaeese/. november 2, 2012, 8:47 pm rickie what if you believe your boyfriend should know what you want because you’ve leafy told him? i don’t expect him to know me well enough to know what i want but i’ve told him many times what i want and he still refuses to do anything for me. i don’t even care if he can’t figure out to do 100 little things. he never even does one big thing. or even a medium thing. i can’t leave for vacation because i’m broke and i work full time so even living together we get daily breaks from each other. i can’t with hold sex because we haven’t had sex in a week and he doesn’t seem to care. i just want him to plan something awesome for me. there are guys dating girls way uglier than me who treat them better and i’ve even offered to pay as long as he comes up with everything else . i don’t think i’m being too demanding i just want to have fun that i didn’t orchestrate. may 17, 2012, 11:03 am jenna this woman’s question applies to me exactly* right now. but, the thing is, my boyfriend has all the time in the world, but never takes a moment to do anything special with it. how am i supposed to feel grateful he’s taking time out of his busy life to do something for me, when he is hardly ever busy (no job), and never does anything? how can i reward him for good behavior when he never does anything, let alone something little? its been almost a year, and nothing. not even a love heart on a piece of scrap paper found on the floor. it really hurts because i not only do little things, but extravagant things, and he makes me feel like im not worth any effort. not even the effort it takes to pick up a pen and put it to paper. i am feeling really worthless right now. text messages dont count for much when thats all ive recieved from him in the last year. :( i am too scared to tell him for fear of sounding selfish and yes – doubting his motives for whenever he may do something after i tell him. what should i do? its eating at me all the time and i dont know how much longer i can take feeling like this may 17, 2012, 8:25 am lc hey jenna, i really think that if it’s been a whole year and he has yet to show you the affection that you require and deserve then you should let him go. end it and move on. nobody deserves to be treated that way. a relationship is about give an take. ok, one person might give a little more and the other might take a bit more. but you can’t just give, give give, and get nothing in return. it’s not fair, it’s not right and it is not healthy. i know it might be hard to let him go after sticking it out for so long. but i would say you can give yourself 2 options: 1) break up with him asap 2) you can voice your feelings to him. if he really cares, he will change his actions, if he doesn’t, no amount of you telling him how you feel will change his actions. and there is nothing wrong with you telling him how feel and him doing things for you. you shouldn’t doubt his motives. it is his job to make you happy and vice versa. most of all you need to ask yourself: is he really irreplaceable? after a year do you really see him changing? are you really, truly happy with your relationship? don’t settle, it is not healthy. best of luck. may 17, 2012, 12:51 pm rose bailey hey jenna, i hear where you are coming from as i too was once in the exact same situation. it almost seemed helpless and i just couldn’t figure it out. i tried everything like you have except i tried talking to him and telling him how i felt but nothing changed. it went on like this for nearly a year! i nearly gave up but i did love him so i didn’t want to just give up. i started looking to males for advice, rather than taking advice from my female friends (as i tried everything they suggested ie: talking, nagging) and it didn’t work. no wonder it didn’t work as everything i was trying was wrong! rather than look to my female friends for advice i realized i needed to understand male psychology. men and women are different as this article discusses we are different sexes and therefore have different ways of expressing and showing love. we play different roles in the relationship. i found a few interesting articles, in particular one by rori raye about the dangers of woman “overfunctioning” in a relationship, which i feel may be your problem here. you state that you are the one constantly doing things for him, the little things and the bigger mind blowing things you know he appreciates but yet you see nothing on his part. it sounds to me like you are doing too much and need to pull back a little and give him a chance to assess why you are not doing so much anymore. it will likely make him miss the little things you do and give him the space to become “the doer and provider” in the relationship. by us “doing” too much for our men it is using our masculine energy, therefore stopping him to use his masculine energy. men need to be the “doers and providers” in a relationship and we need to get in touch with our feline energy that allows a man to come forward to us and chase us again. if you do too much for him, he may just take it for granted while deep down he may feel lazy and unmotivated as he is unable to be the provider and make you happy. men need to feel like they are a success in everything they do, this includes making you happy. he probably already senses this vibe of not making you happy so he starts to feel like a failure and withdraw from the relationship. here are some articles on “overfunctioning” that will probably explain it much better than i have with my long rant lol. it really helped me. i took the advice in these articles and pulled back and things changed dramatically. i also took the advice of eric here in this article on how to reward him when he does please me. my relationship has turned around dramatically because i took the time to learn about how men work by studying masculine energy and male psychology. it has made me grow more as a person and i feel much better about myself as i feel i understand my partner more and he appreciated this! september 4, 2012, 7:00 pm mary i loved your comment! i think it’s exactly what i need to do in my relationship. it’s only been a few months but i can already see signs that i’m over functioning and it’s starting to drag me down. i want to fix it as soon as possible before it gets to be a serious problem. as i’m reading more of “overfunctionning”, i’m having troubles understanding how to be a bit more withdrawn without looking like a bitch? and when do you show emotion (ex: when is it okay to do kind things for him)? also, i’d love any sites/articles you have on male psychology! ich danke dir sehr. :) october 10, 2012, 5:14 am ziggy i am a guy that is in a very great relationship with a girl that i love so much but sometime whenever we want to go out on a date, she would ask me to invite my cousin to come along with us. she once called me and told me that she wanted the three of us to go out and catch fun but when i told her that the two of us should just go, she said that she would only come along on the condition that my cousin came with us. what do you make of that eric. april 26, 2012, 7:44 am eric charles hey ziggy, . it sounds to me like she might be into your cousin. or she’s throwing in blocks to prevent it from being a date… . it sounds like she sees you as more of a friend than a potential lover… . and my bet is that in your mind, you image that you and this girl would be perfect together. the truth is though, when you fixate totally on the girl and she’s not attracted to you in that way, the more you push the more she’s going to push you away. . i’m giving you a really quick and condensed answer here, but i think you would do best to get yourself some other options to date. it’s not unusual for a woman to see you as more attractive if she witnesses that other women are into you (of course, don’t force this or try and fake it to make her like you… that will backfire). . i’d encourage you to read my post on here about how to get out of the friend zone. i write to women on this site (since that’s the audience), but there’s plenty in that post that you can use too, as a guy. . good luck dude… i was in the friend zone with a girl i fell *hard* for years ago. sadly, it didn’t work out with that girl, but it was one of my best learning experiences in the world of dating, attraction and relationships. disappointing at the time, but massively enlightening for my future. april 26, 2012, 12:31 pm julianna hi eric, what if you’re with a guy who used to be more romantic and then just stopped. he doesn’t bring you flowers or candy. he didn’t get you anything for christmas or do anything for your birthday. but yet you know that in previous relationships, even short ones, he was always very romantic. he says that he’s not “that type of guy”. but again you know of instances of him bringing flowers to exes or surprising them with concert tickets to a show. i’ve been very romantic and loving with him. i’ve also been very vocal about how i want him to be more romantic. at this point, i’m ready to throw in the towel. april 7, 2014, 11:37 pm duo hi eric, i would just like to thank you greatly on what you are doing here, this blog is exactly what i needed at this stage of my life. through changes in our personal situations, my boyfriend and i are experiencing a larger strain on our relationship. simple things like going on dates has become more difficult, granted our relationship was never that simple from the beginning due to me coming from a cultural background, so family and their values that are different to ours, sometimes got in the way. however until about a few months ago we have managed well, of course things weren’t perfect but we were happy. since then he has lost his job and is hitting a very difficult part of his life. he is no longer as communicative and has slipped partially into his own shell. talking about it, he explained that this is his way of dealing with things, he is not one to lay all his problems onto someone else, and likes to figure things out on his own (as like many other men). i eventually grasped this concept and have been giving him more space. saying this, of course i am very understanding to his situation and i have stuck by him and provided support. i understand why he is not himself, but my question is – how do i provide him with the space he sometimes needs and doing my own thing, yet take advantage of the times when he reaches out and plans a date or hangout for example, with out seeming like i’m just sitting around waiting for him? because i really appreciate the time we spend together and he makes sure i know he does as well, but due to his state of mind at the moment, things are more dependent on whether he can or cannot. how do i show him i am understanding by being there when he needs me but not give up my self? i know this is not a permanent thing, but like you say in your articles, i don’t want to fall into the needy “i need reassurance” type of thing :). thanks april 25, 2012, 12:02 am sheila wow, duo, i find myself in a similar situation where my boyfriend has hit a really rough time financially and with family things and i am trying to find the best way to be supportive while still being able to get him to spend time with me and communicate with me. i would love to get advice from eric as well. april 26, 2012, 6:45 pm duo yes it is a really tough situation! i honestly feel so helpless, because he has a lot of pride and does not want anyone to feel pity for him or help him, but i know he is struggling on his own. i really care about him, i just don’t want to suffocate him. i think the best thing for us to do is to give them space, because doing otherwise would just backfire. i read somewhere that the best approach is to not fall into the trap of giving off maternal comfort, that’s the last thing they want from a girlfriend, as men hate their manhood coming into question, but instead it was stated that supporting them in a way that made them feel capable is the best thing to do such as “i know you can do this” and “you will be great in that interview, just do what you always do”. basically just subtle boosts of confidence, nothing that involves you trying to fix the situation, trust me i’ve tried i never can :(. but yes!! the hardest part is the trying to still get them to spend time with us! because i never know if i am being selfish secretly wanting him to see me more often, but on the other hand, we are their girlfriends we must be prioritised to an extent as well right? i just really wish he wouldn’t separate me from his problems, i’d be more than happy to talk or even listen to him let off some steam about it.. april 27, 2012, 2:28 am sheila i agree that not suffocating them and acting “maternal” is the best route along with encouraging them of course. i don’t know about you, but i think one main thing i am having trouble with is knowing how long of being “supportive” and being left out and practically ignored at time is long enough. or at least how to get that point across to him. as i’m guess you’ve experienced, it’s pretty stre ssful having a boyfriend, but not really feeling it…(if that makes sense…) being left by the wayside so often and for so long isn’t something we should be expected to deal with forever. i don’t want to leave because before all of the stresses he recently acquired things were going well, but i also don’t know how much more of this i can take and on the flip side, what the best way to deal with it is. *sigh* april 27, 2012, 1:00 pm duo that is exactly what i am struggling with, yes i never know whether being “supportive” and understanding is really making me appear like i’m giving up myself in a way? all the while i’m thinking “i’m a person too”. personally i have tried really expressing every thought about the situation i’ve had to him and explaining how at times it makes me feel really second rate. he says he fully understands where i am coming from and why i am feeling upset, he attempts to improve the way things are going, ie. try to spend time with me and talk, but the whole time i can see he is distant and just not the same. this cycle used to repeat until i just decided to just give him the space he obviously needed. yes i still feel like crap at times because like you said it’s hard to have a boyfriend with out feeling like a girlfriend, how long are we expected to wait, should i be feeling guilty for thinking like this? i’m not sure.. because they do have reasons. exactly! like you i do not want to leave because yes things were great. as hard as it is for us to admit, the best way to deal with this is to just give them the space they desire. if you really see yourself lasting with this guy and that he is worth it, you could always go on a “break” until things improve. it does not mean a break up but it just allows the both of you to get away from relationship duties, by taking yourself away you allow yourself time to enjoy other things, friends, family, events, hobbies, things we have possibly neglected stressing over the whole boyfriend thing. on the other hand our boyfriends would have the time they need to clear their minds and hopefully get back on track, i am still going to talk to him and provide some support, but i am in effect allowing my mind to be taken up by more personally constructive things and we won’t be feeling like we have been left behind. i know it seems like the opposite of what we want right now but this way we won’t be pushing them away and they may even feel the gap we leave behind and reach out for us, all it will take is time patience and self control! i really wish men would just deal with problems like we do but ohh well april 27, 2012, 10:16 pm duo wow sorry for the huge haha april 27, 2012, 10:17 pm sheila huge replies are awesome! and yes, i’ve actually heard that same advice about just giving each other space for a little while. i guess it’s worth a try…for those who are good at putting it into effect. it’s not easy though. april 29, 2012, 8:36 pm shedevil i’m actually here to give you props. i think you just might know what you’re talking about. stumbling across your page was no accident, as i’m sure you’ve already suspected that, considering the fact i stuck around long enough to read your post. the hardest thing for me to grasp is the that my man is not a girlfriend of mine, he’s a dude. a die hard pens fan, once a week beer night with his buddies, loves my black lacy underware, forgets i need to sit on the toilet seat kind of dude. frustration, confusion, and assumption are three things i go through once a week with our communication technique. a woman’s mind: over analyzes every damn word, gesture and movement your kind makes, believe me i get that. sometimes i have to tell my brain “just stop, seriously that thought was just straight up ridiculous.” so i know when i’m being out of line. in my relationship we believe that having our own lives and meeting in the middle is the key to our happiness and respectful relationship. i just need to know one thing, why is it always “us” asking all the questions to fix what is supposed to be a joint effort. we hear the “stop thinking so much into it” and “it’s ok i know it was your time of the month”. why are women the ones that are always trying? i work out 5 days a week, always look nice when we go out, make sure his clothes are clean, understand that playoff week means 24/7 hockey and masters week means that’s what i’ll be watching too. he wants me to be happy and whenever i am honest with he tells me he feels awful i feel that way and never wants me to be upset or hurt and will try to fix it. my boyfriebd does nor work out, he smokes (promised to quit when we first met) and in bed likes when i’m in charge. i’m starting to think maybe i’m too dominant, but when i’m not my confident self i can feel that’s not what tickles his fancy. so if any of this is remotely understandable – id love to hear back. word. april 16, 2012, 3:11 am eric charles first, thanks for the props. i appreciate that. . i work with men and women as a dating coach professionally. you’d be amazed, but when i work with men, they’ll inevitably say, “dating is so unfair to men. women have it so easy.” and they go on and on about all the reasons that women has it great and men have to slave away… . and women will say that men have it easy and that women have to do all the work. . in the end, the reality is that whether you’re a man or woman, you could *choose* to be a slob all day: never work out, eat potato chips on the couch all day and make no effort towards aspirations, social status or social grace. . you *could* do that! . you don’t because you don’t want the consequences of that. and you don’t want the results of that. . you want to have choice and power in your dating life – so you choose to work out. you choose to dress nice, smell nice and put effort into your relationship. . and the second you want something that you have to work for, it’s always your choice if you want to put in the work for it or not. at the end of the day, life is unfair to men and women in different ways – being that that’s the case, i have the mentality that i’m going to make whatever moves i have to make to win in life… none of us are victims here. . at the same time, being that you put in all this effort to be a great girlfriend… maybe the real question to ask is whether or not he’s worth it to you. if he is, then do as you’re doing to keep your relationship with him. if he’s not, then consider yourself “on the market” and look for a better man to date… one you feel is worthy of you. . sounds harsh, but the point i want to make here is that there’s no middle ground. there’s no sense in being in a relationship half-way, where you feel he’s not good enough for you and yet that’s who he is… . why would he change at this point? you’re already doing everything he could possibly want – what carrot do you have left to dangle? . all that “thinking” is just wasted energy. most of the “thinking” women do is trying to convince themselves that the reality in front of them isn’t actually happening… . movies, tv shows and romance novels have painted a picture of relationships in such a way that you believe something special is in store for you in your current relationship if you’re just “good enough” and “patient enough” to get it. . and then of course there’s the epidemic of low self esteem in our culture, which has women believing that the relationship they’re in could be their only chance for happiness and that they couldn’t do any better. and that tremendous fear of loss results in them staying in a unsatisfactory relationship, waiting for a happy ending that will never come and wasting time. . so that’s my answer for you… april 16, 2012, 9:38 am captain planet true that, definitely worth some more “thinking” ha ha. i am a true believer in not settling to settle considering i am 28 and we have been dating for three years. april 16, 2012, 2:24 pm aliza hi eric did u recive my message?? january 10, 2012, 9:41 am aliza hi my name is alizaa i would be really grateful if you could provide me with some advice, i have generally a great relationship and my bf is very loving and caring. he has also been there for me in all my bad times and hes very sincere to me. the problem is that sometimes i do not understand his psychology and it makes me feel very depresses. my problem is a bit personal my big ask me to seduce him initially i did not know how to but i learned how to now when i seduce him i want him to do something for me he does it he does make love but i feel that he does not give me everything i want. he just do a little bit and he goes like u have to beg me for it. i really get irritated because i am already making efforts to seduce him and i am trying hard and now he cant please me that well and for him he wants me to please him a lot of times do not know how to be tactful in that way i am very very depress sometimes all i want is a deep french kiss and he knows i want but hes does not give it fully i do not know why he is like that that he cant give me a lot. but ask for me he always want me to give him a lot and i do every time when it comes to love making which refers to sexual giving. its many times i satisfy his sexual needs but he does not satisfy mine. i m not into sex i just want him to be romantic to him but he understand and the most irritating part is when he tells me that you have to beg for it. i am already trying hard to seduce him what else i should do. january 10, 2012, 9:40 am confused :/ hey eric, i just stumbled upon this and i love ur advice =) but i just dont know wut to do anymore with my bf. he just doesnt call me and i do all the calling. he texts me good morning sometimes though and sometimes asks about me on whatsapp. like u said i get so happy when he calls me because he never does. but thats not the case anymore. now im starting to feel like he doesnt love me. he doesnt make the effort. is it my fault :'( im so frustrated. were doing long distance. so i see him like every month or two. so calls are important to me. since we dont c each other like normal couples do. my birthday is coming up in 3 days so im guessing he will call because if he doesnt than that would be very bad. this sounds so stupid right? i just dont know if i should break up with him or not. i do love him and i think he does… ugh. and btw 3 days ago was our 11 months anniversary and because i had so much work i forgot for the first time, cuz im usually the one who remembers and he forgets. so suprisingly he texted me the next day saying did u forget? happy anniversary. and i really did i wasnt acting. then ever since then he hasnt been asking about me its been 2 days. he usually asks me how i did on my finals and etc… sorry this is so long. give me ur advice if u have time. it wud be very helpful =) december 17, 2011, 8:51 am sara srinivas help me please am in bad sitution my bf went with his x gf to out of country she is married he is also married bt i have relationship with him for 2 years he was fall in love with his xgf but not happen be together for 5 years after both married not talk to each other when i was with him all was cool suddenly she came on the picture all good friends together recently i came to know both went to italy and …. i was hurt still i am, look i know i don’t have any future with him but i love him he told me just forget and forgive i went just for trip i didn’t sleep with her cause she is married what ever for me i want just love please help me for 2 days he was with me nw he went to his city we are far just for 3 hours when yesterday he drop me i felt he change what ever he says might be now am becom detail to detail i don’t know am just become mad plaza help me october 30, 2011, 9:12 pm megan u should just dump that man! you should find yourself a man who love u more than u do. october 27, 2011, 10:27 am concern girl sorry, i mentioned lynn sorry liz. october 17, 2011, 8:55 pm concern girl hey liz, how are you? girl i sooo love your post. and i would definitely like to learn what you refer to. it is so true that my parents (single mom) didnt teach me about men. my mom was very strict and work long hours so there was no conversation about men and how to deal with them. i want to get in contact with you lynn so i can learn from you. i am in new york but e-mail and text messaging works great. i hope you are willing to help. i know you mention getting hired so i dont think you will want to communicate with me. i read the steve harvey book and it was really good. i think my issue is that growing up my mom always taught us to be lady like. it was almost like you are not suppose to have sex or even like it. a woman showing her sexuality was always a bad thing for my mom and i havent quite yet master that art of sexuality but i do want to learn. i have my own issues with the person that i am with now because i too am needy. i always assume you are suppose to show a man how you feel and tell him but i realize that my approch is off. i definitely want to learn this process because even if things do not work out with him, i do plan on dating again eventually. my partner now due to my needy ways ignores my text. he came out of a bad relationship that lasted 3 years 9 months and we have been dating for 7months. i probably should have move on because in a sense i feel he is not emotionally ready and he had told me he wants to be with me but i have to be patient. but instead i nagged him and complain about what he doesnt do and what he should be doing. as a result, i distance myself from him for almost 2 months. he text/call me for those 2 months. when he did come back in my life i told him i wanted to be with but at this point it really didnt make difference to me. and now, he doesnt text. is like i stress him out or maybe he is seeing someone, i dont know. i would like for things to work with me and him but if it doesnt then i guess i will need to add him to my list of failed relationships. i am so tired of failed relationships. i want a good relationship, teach me how. liz, if you willing to speak with me, maybe by what books you read (besides the steve harvey book) or personal experiences then pls e-mail me at ib2brownforyou@yahoo.com. i hope to hear from you and eric i send you an email already and posted on your forum but still have not gotten a response. liz, you a female and these is nothing sweeter than a woman mastering the art of seduction!!. teach me how. october 17, 2011, 8:53 pm liz hire me!! :) . anyway thanks eric for the complimentary remarks. i really find this subject fascinating just wish there was money in it to make it more a substantial career path. . i currently live in boulder, co where i see day in and day out young women get used and abused over and over again throughout their college years and early twenties… not due to these young men, but rather because they were never taught by their parent’s generation how to uphold their own standards and expectations… to value their bodies and how to “act like a lady” or “act like a gentleman.” maybe this is due to some sort of rebellion against the rigidity of the 1950s and on, and perhaps parents just never thought to pass on such valuable information to their kids. either way it is really sad to see… and the std rates are soaring (at least around cu)… . i agree with what you said. milestones are individual and specific to the couple. that said, no third party should really have any determining say in a relationship between two people past warranted advice unless it involves both partners. i have had my fair share of bad experiences with the third party trying to sabotage things (i blame it on jealousy :)). another interesting future post? haha . as for the 2-3 months thing… it just works. are you single? if you are… then i wouldn’t be surprised if you just haven’t met the girl who has pulled that one on you yet. from my opinion, it’s pretty fail proof. oh and i didn’t mean that the girl shouldn’t date around as well during that period… this period is ultimately there to have some fun, but also see how committed both people are to each other. her time and presence alone should make him want more… and if not? then she didn’t waste any more time in seeing that perhaps he isn’t looking for anything serious. smart? Ja. evil? no. . just some more thoughts… will check out the forum one of these days. . thanks again for keeping this up! you now are a perfect excuse for all of my real-life procrastinations… :) october 11, 2011, 3:35 pm eric charles perfect… i am looking forward to future comments. october 11, 2011, 4:09 pm liz eric- . i ultimately agree with everything you have stated. yes my words were a bit harsh (it’s always taking a risk when politics etc. and words like “feminism” are thrown into the conversation) and yes i did have some weak areas of my argument, but overall i think my point is clear. . a lot of women fall back on the word “feminist” to justify and explain why men are “evil” or why things didn’t work out. on the otherside of the coin, many women also use this word to justify giving up themselves to “meaningless” sex and essentially becoming someone (they later realize) they are not, solely out of spite for the “entire male sex”. this is not only unfair to the men who are thus unjustly put into this category, but it is also unfair to these unaware or misinformed women as well. i just feel like it is a topic that needs to be brought up (maybe an idea for one of your future posts!). i hope i am getting my point across and that it is clear. i am trying to show that women should embrace their sexuality in the way that beyonce has made a superstar out of herself by embracing her sexuality without coming across as angry, objectifying herself, or spiteful. be the feminist that stands for equality but does not diminish our essential counter components– the great men in our lives. . when i speak of “those” men, i am referring to the men out there who are in a sense “sport fishing” in that they are looking for a quick lay, nothing serious, perhaps a one-night stand (or if they are willing to go back for seconds– a two night, max three night lay)–in otherwords direct, physical pleasure. i am sure you can relate with me towards recognizing that there are men who are at a point in their lives where they are purely looking for this sexual gratification without the attachment. and i am not saying that this is by any means something that is “evil” or “bad.” . what i am saying is that women need to be aware that there are men who roam bars trying to pick up women purely for one reason: sex. men often cheat because they seek the physical gratification, but are not looking for anything emotional (as they probably have that already at home) which is why devastation occurs when they realize that the one they have lost (their partner) was the one they truly had a deep, loving attachment to. . when i mention this system of rewards (i think you took the flavor of manipulation out of it) i meant it only in the warmest of ways. a man should see the woman for who she is and there should be nothing that falls into the zone of lying or manipulation when it comes to one party getting what he or she wants out of the relationship. i guess the term “whipped” might sound a bit too extreme… falling into the category of “gold digger” among other words. however, this is not the point i am trying to get across. each partner in the couple must adapt themselves to the other. in a sense each party finds a way to live or get along with the other through these small subliminal messages. reward your partner for the things you like while making it clear (in a loving way) when there are behaviors you do not like. this goes back to a relationship being 50/50. i know this is all fairly obvious, but often there are too many women (and some men) who give up themselves either while dating or in their relationships and they end up feeling used and unsatisfied– not getting the romance they need or the love they deserve (although the men often have the love but just don’t know how to express it so that it will be appreciated by their women). and as you note in so many posts these women come across as “needy.” . women take charge of your lives, educate yourself, and thus take responsibility for getting the love and (fill in the blank) that you think you deserve from you partner. . lastly, withholding sex. i know it seems wrong (and in my opinion it is), but there are certain rules that we have to play by in this society that we live in. i am adamant on this point in the sense that if you sleep with your date on your first date then the odds of actually having a long-term, serious, committed relationship with this man are slim to none. yes, there are always those exceptions, but in general men just lose a bit of interest when they no longer have to take part in the chase–when the women come to them so easily. i say 2-3 months because i think in this busy world that we live in with hectic schedules, it often takes that long for two people to really get to know eachother. for a woman to really see if a man is serious, she needs to see how much time he is willing to invest into getting to know her (as she should do as well). by putting the messiness of sex out of the picture for the first few weeks of getting to know the other person, she is essentially allowing (what you said) the man to see her best assets, to see her beyond her body. . after that initial courting period, she should in no way withhold sex that would come across as manipulation or to get what she wants. that is wrong. once she lets the man see her in such a close and intimate setting, she should embrace her sexuality and be free with what she wants to give and receive in terms of intimacy and pleasure. she should not fear coming across as too eager or having too high a sex drive. this is because she has already shown him that she has standards and expectations. . okay i think that is enough for now. it really is fun to talk about men (and women too of course). october 9, 2011, 9:38 pm eric charles awesome comment. . i consider myself really lucky and privileged to have someone like you commenting on this site. outstanding perspective, clearly stated and accessible to anyone reading it. . i hope that you are in the anm dating forum (http://dating.anewmode.com), i need help responding to the avalanche of messages posted there every day. your perspective would be a god-sent. . as for the withholding sex thing, i get where you’re coming from and your reasoning is sound. . i just don’t make time the milestone – i look at it more like hitting “depth” or “emotional” milestones in the relationship itself. my life is based on being an effective communicator and understanding other people – so to me, i can recognize who’s a good match for me and who i have a deep connection with fairly quickly. . but your approach is more user-friendly since it doesn’t rely on communication / intuitive / perception skills (which rely on experience). . you clearly have all those skills, but there are readers who just haven’t had enough experience to know the distinction i’m talking about yet. . having them experiment with getting to know a guy first (by waiting a bit) and connect on the many other levels that a woman and man can connect will be an enlightening experience for her, versus trying to grasp the concept of hitting “relationship milestones” that she hasn’t directly experienced yet. . two to three months though…. damn. :) i probably would have dated 8-12 different women during that waiting time span. . kidding. but… yeah… :) . you rock, i hope you stick around and keep commenting. and i hope you hit up the forum too. people like you make me happy and proud to have this community. october 10, 2011, 2:54 pm liz eric- as do most of the women on here, i love your posts. women do not take advantage of the resources and reading material out there that really can give them an edge in terms of their relationships (imperfections and all)–and getting everything they want and need out of their partner. to all the ladies out there: this advice (as feminist as you think you are) is there to give you game. power (i.e. getting what you want out of your man–the romance, the nice things, the flowers, the love-making) is all up to you and how you wield yourself (and your game) in your relationship. in order to be the independent, feminists that we are we need to play by the rules of the game (and listening to men like eric who are very aware of these unspoken rules– obviously since he is a man). why do we always seem to forget about the game? it is fundamental and no matter how much you think you can rise above it or avoid it, at somepoint in your life (or as you become more mature in your relationships) you will realize that the game does not go away. instead you should master it. playing the game means training your man (subconsciously and through a reward system) to do the things that you love. i used to be one of those women who thought that i was beyond the silly games men play with women. i was an independent feminist. i wouldn’t get emotionally involved or care enough to get hurt. i should play by my rules and rebel against those “cliche” relationship/dating structures that we are supposed to abide by. men would be there to satisfy me and me alone (i was convinced that i could compete with these men who use women and never call them back the next day). however, after getting used and hurt enough times myself i one day picked up a book (“act like a lady think like a man” by steve harvey) and i put in the time to realize that in order to be the power-wielding independent woman of the 21st century i had to master the game. by doing this i could (and currently do) get everything i need out of my relationship. have you ever heard the term “whipped?” or that the most successful married couples usually started out with one person not interested in the other? well it is usually the woman who is at first un-attracted (in these scenarios) to the man and makes him work for her. this woman realizes from the start that she can and should set up standards and expectations for this man. he needs to rise to her level in order to have her. he needs to show her that he is the strongest man who can protect and provide for her. he needs to be her knight in shining armor in order for her to ever even consider being with him. do not give men the leeway (or the laziness) to not live up to your expectations. if you want the romance then use your power (mainly your sexuality as eric says) to be that sexy girlfriend that loves her boyfriend beyond words but will not put up with the shit… the girlfriend who will call him out when he doesn’t live up to her expectations, but will also call him out when he does. be bold, be daring, don’t feel afraid to push the envelope or crack open some of your most hidden vulnerabilities. if you do this, you will be keeping your man on his toes, interested in you, and you will be progressing the relationship each and everyday. as strong, independent women we need to value ourselves and our bodies. restrict the sex ladies– don’t give it up so easy (i made him wait almost 3 months) and make sure he plays by your rules. if you’re busy then let him know you’re busy. let him come to you. october 9, 2011, 6:21 pm eric charles liz – i read your comment and 90% of it made me say, “holy ****, this might be the best comment ever.” . it’s smart, it’s experienced and it’s practical. . however, there are two things that i would tweak slightly and then i’d be 100% on board with your message. . first, feminism. i’m not anti-feminist or pro-feminist. i’m familiar with the core of most major philosophies, but i find that bringing feminism into the discussion (either pro or con) that it can derail the message that i’m trying to get across. . i do like how you highlighted the cliche “fight against those men”… you know, the archetypal asshole that “independent women” are supposed to rise up against. . here’s my take on it: there’s a lot of dating advice that makes a comment about that and then their big finish statement is: so ladies, manipulate the men to get what you want, but don’t be a bitch about it. and then the commentary turns into a twisted celebration of treating another human being poorly… but it’s ok because he’s a man and men are evil. . you didn’t take it to that extreme, but it had that flavor of “manipulate him to win”. . i try to get understanding of a man’s mindset across, but my follow-up is always towards pursuing self-fulfillment and a relationship where both parties bring their best to the table (because they’re coming in whole). . the withholding sex model of manipulation (from my perspective) is flawed because it presupposes that the sex is really the only thing of value. it’s important, but i would rather have women focusing on their own fulfillment and happiness versus having the mindset that their best strategy is to withhold their own asset (subliminally communicating that sex is their only bargaining chip). . in other words, raise the value of the rest of her (which is really what the relationship is made of) versus trying to build anticipation for sex (and then once that bargaining chip has been dropped… then what?) . despite the long explanation, i really really liked your comment. i’m glad you wrote it. . i haven’t checked out the steve harvey book, but i think i’ve heard good things from other people as well. i’ll check it out. october 9, 2011, 7:21 pm alexis how do i get antbody to like me as a girlfreind september 17, 2011, 9:54 pm lisa eric, thank you so much for this explaining everything here so well! word for word, it was as if it were speaking directly to me. i’ve been experiencing this problem recently, but you really put it all into perspective. thank you so much for the explanation and the advice you offered. this is my first time coming onto the website and i’ll definitely be coming back for more! keep up the good work! :) august 17, 2011, 4:00 am klee you have a great gift of empathy and putting yourself in both a gender’s shoes. it is definitely great to allow us to see the perspective differences. great posts you write, i enjoy reading them. to those who get offended and do not agree to the advice, i suggest you not to take it so personal. in the end of the day it is a blog to help…not to demean or upset you. you may only feel that way due to your own personal problems. take care july 18, 2011, 11:55 am eric charles thank you for everything you wrote there. :) i appreciate it and i’m glad you enjoy reading them. july 18, 2011, 1:44 pm piikaboo i liked your a lot! yep it all drills down to accepting someone the way they are!:) loving them for what they do in their own ‘style’ to show love and not a stereotype boyfriend stuff that we read or hear about!:) thanks eric!! loads of luv june 10, 2011, 6:53 am eric charles cool – i’m glad to hear that. it’s not always easy (sometimes it’s the toughest thing in the world), but it works well. and good relationships make the world a better place. june 10, 2011, 11:50 am piikaboo if someone told us women that they liked smthing we did, we do that just to make/see that person happy, and coz we love them and want them to be happy. i think its the male ego playing here. its almost like ‘she can’t ask for what she wants, i won’t give her even if she wants it, this will keep her wanting more and more! its just simple gestures of love that we women understand, why don’t just give them that out of love! why make them ask u!:( june 9, 2011, 11:54 am eric charles i get what you’re saying and i can understand why you might have found what i’m saying here frustrating. . still… you can’t control another person’s behavior. whether you like what the other person is doing or not, that’s what they’re doing. doesn’t matter what you think they should be doing… if you resist what’s happening, you’ll just end up frustrated. . on the other hand, if you focus on what you can do to improve the situation, things will improve. . if a guy were asking me how to get his girlfriend to open up more to him (and plenty of guys have asked me that question), i would tell them to change their own behavior too – since that’s what they have control over. . even if it was the male ego, blaming “men” or the “male ego” isn’t going to make things better. it’s just going to make you angry and your angry energy will repel men from you. . when you take a moment to really look at the destructi ve effect blaming a specific person or men in general has, you will quickly see that you want no part of that kind of energy. . focus on what you can control (yourself), focus on positive solutions that feel good for everyone involved and avoid blaming. . if blaming made you smell, you wouldn’t do it. if blaming made you gain fat, you wouldn’t do it. if blaming made you look ugly, you would stop doing it immediately. . funny thing is – blaming others has a far worse impact on how people respond to you than smelliness, unshapeliness and ugliness combined. . be happy… it’s better. june 9, 2011, 4:00 pm piikaboo but what about what a woman wants? why are guys like this? when she is clearly saying she likes it why doesn’t he give it to her without a fuss!! june 9, 2011, 11:49 am eric charles @noelan and @sexxyco – thank you. much appreciated. may 16, 2011, 4:33 pm sexxyco ditto what noelan said eric! i thought your advice was so simple, but insightful. i emailed this to all my girlfriends. :) thanks again! may 16, 2011, 10:36 am noelan eric thank you so much!!!! you have really helped me in my relationship!!! keep up the good work!!! : ) may 16, 2011, 10:26 am eric charles @staccato – you sound like you are in a very critical, unhappy and frustrated place. i wish you good luck in your quest to getting your boyfriend to be more romantic with you. may 8, 2011, 12:19 pm staccato what a disappointing read, honestly. i was expecting too much – i’m sure you would label that as a common problem for women, but most likely it’s because you can’t live up to any expectations. you sound incredibly self centered and most likely you’ve never truly been in love and by that i mean, loved someone unconditionally. your advice was nothing short of a waste of time and a reminder to me that there are unfortunately men, like you, still out there, giving advice in areas they obviously know nothing about. my advice, don’t quit your day job. may 8, 2011, 4:07 am nelda well im pretty shure if guys like you they will at list say hey to you but if they dont well i guess they dnt but keep on eye on him an to keep a guy romantic first you have to follow his rules then hi will follow you’rs =) april 7, 2011, 1:13 pm carm thank you eric. your blog is very helpful. my girlfriends & i have many debates over this complaint. i totally agree with your advice, however i could never have articulated my response as well as you did. i am will be forwarding this to all my friends. :) carmen february 3, 2011, 1:46 pm eric charles :)… my my, what a mouth on you. november 17, 2010, 8:11 pm alexis how do i get a boy to like me. september 17, 2011, 9:53 pm eric charles @sweetheart, . i’m certainly not excluding sexual, but definitely not limiting it to sexual either. . here’s my point: the things that would make us happy might or might not be what makes the other person happy. if we want to be as good as we can possibly be in relationships, we need to learn what truly makes the other person happiest without clouding our perception with what we think they “should” like. . there’s all sorts of things that make a man happy. when a woman genuinely acknowledges something that her man did well, that usually means a lot to the guy even if he doesn’t show it on the surface. society takes people’s good deeds for granted and when you can be the woman that acknowledges the good that he is doing, it makes him feel good (and makes him want to do more of it). . you asked about whether sexual or not i meant sexual in terms of reward. in the context of this article, i want you to see that sexual is included when i talk about being rewarding, but not in the context of giving “sexual favors” in exchange for “good behavior” (that would technically be prostitution.) . what i’m talking about (to restate how this fits into the context) is how sexuality is one of many ways that you can make him feel truly happy, comfortable and good to be with you in a way that he doesn’t get anywhere else. in a way he won’t get from his friends or family. . just food for thought… november 10, 2010, 12:20 pm sweetheart by reward do you mean sexual? november 5, 2010, 2:11 pm